By: Doug Patrick
So, either you know about the “Colin Kaepernick Thing” by now or you’re a fucking weirdo who doesn’t have a Facebook (or you’re Amish; hallo!). But, seriously. It seems like the opinions on this guy are endless. Should he stand, should he sit, or – well, that’s pretty much it. But you better believe that people are pretty fucking loud about their choice. And they’re right to be. This is America, dammit. It’s their god given right to be loud.
And, in doing my duty as an American, I’m here to be the loudest and the fattest about the whole issue. That’s right, I’m ending the debate right fucking now. *ding ding* Put ‘em up, bitches. Because, yo, I’m about to say something that’s going to blow your mind: (yes, I know this is so much build up and I’m regretting it a little bit right now, but look) Colin Kaepernick was right to sit, and here’s why:
For whatever reason, everyone believes that Kaepernick is still that quick, rough ‘n’ tough player who had a killer touch on his in-the-pocket passes from 2013. You know, when he led the San Francisco 49ers to a 12-4 season which led to a heartbreaking Super Bowl 31-34 loss to the Ravens.
In reality, though, he’s not him at all. He’s the Kaepernick who went from having 21 touchdowns and 8 interceptions to having 6 TDs and 5 interceptions and losing his starting job to Blaine Gabbert last year. And what the fuck kind of name is Blaine? That’s like losing your girl to the tall, lanky motherfucker with a blonde comb-over (and get this: he plays rugby – I know!).
Does anyone really think that Kaepernick has to stand? I mean, there’s no possible way he’s getting that starting job (sorry, Kaep). And can we all just agree that it’s great that he knows it? I mean, yeah, I get it, Kapernick purists who say he’s the greatest quarterback that’s ever lived. That he’s the greatest quarterback on earth, and that if he doesn’t stand, well, then he should just leave the NFL (because that makes sense?). Well, if you think all of that, then I think all of you should take a seat yourselves and shut your mouths. Because there’s literally no way Colin Kapernick will ever be a productive starter in the NFL again.
Can we all agree that if Kaepernick really thinks he’s ready to challenge Blaine for that starting spot that he’ll stand and show us? Otherwise, then he’d just be forced into doing something he doesn’t – I don’t know – believe in? And that just doesn’t really make sense. And that’s why I think he is right to sit. He’s doing what he needs to do. For the reason he believes is the right reason to do it. And he’s entitled to do that. Because that’s how the league works. The makers of it even wrote a rule for it. It’s literally the first fucking one.
And plus that song they play before each game is hella racist. I don’t blame him for taking a seat, ain’t no way I’d be grooving to that shit either.