Fratty Recipes: Buff Chick, Spicy Cock Pasta

By Doug Patrick

If you’re looking for a classy pasta recipe to impress a date, then look somewhere else. But if you’re looking for a hearty meal with some heat for the bros before you start pounding some brews, then you’re in the right place.

“Buff Chick, Spicy Cock Pasta” is a Doug Patrick original, inspired by my love for buffalo chicken and my housemate’s love for pasta with Sriracha hot sauce. And I promise it’s really not as gross as it sounds (or maybe looks). In fact, my housemates even said it was “pretty good” – so fuck off if you think I’m lying. Then again, I suppose there’s no way of getting around my bias. It’s difficult to admit your baby is ugly, after all.

Still, I implore you to try making it if you’re even the least bit curious; here’s what you’ll need and why:

  • 1 lb. box of farfalle pasta
    • They look like bowties, and bowties are rad.
  • 2 Chicken breasts
    • The “Chick”
  • Sriracha hot sauce
    • The “Spicy Cock”
  • Shredded mozzarella cheese
    • Cheese is good
    • Looks classy on top
    • Fun to say “mozzarella” and then kiss your hand and say “mwah” as you use it
  • Blue cheese dressing
    • Gives nuanced flavor (or something)
    • Pro tip: it’s actually white

 

And here’s how you make this ish:

  1. Season the chicken to your liking (I salt-n-pepa it because I’m a big fan of 90’s rap), and then cook it in a pan.
  2. As the chicken cooks, boil your pasta.
  3. Wait as cooking magic happens.
  4. When your chicken is finished, cut it into small pieces.
  5. When your pasta is finished, get a large mixing bowl and fill it with the bowties.
  6. Add your chicken, mozzarella (however much you desire), blue cheese (just a pinch), and Spicy Cock (more = spicier). Then mix.
  7. Mix, mix, mix.
  8. Plate the pasta, and top with cheese and more Sriracha if you’d like (because, hey, I don’t own you; do whatever you want).
  9. Serve with blue Powerade, a pairing that is to die for.

And there you have it: you’re done. Good job! So now when your bros want a meal before another night of binge drinking and pong, tell them to eat my Spicy Cock. My Buff Chick, Spicy Cock Pasta, that is!

buff-chick-spicy-cock

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