Review: This Week On Soundcloud

By Lizette Roman-Johnston

In need of some more catchy sounds from your fellow Skid Kids? Well, the Skidmo’ Daily is here to review some new Soundcloud profiles that may or may not be worth a listen. This week, we found user “EarMaster96,” an anonymous artist from Skidmore who claims “we got the best sounds bro.” Let’s find out just how true this is.

Track 1: Environmentalist Angrily Shutting Off the Lights and Unplugging Appliances

While some may applaud the motive behind this particular piece, I am frankly sick of artists shoving their green ideas in my face. The artist may think he or she is changing the world via auditory art, but this track only makes me want to turn all the lights back on and plug in my toaster, hair straightener, and electric torture chair. Grow up. One star.

Track 2: Putting On My Pants the Wrong Way

This track offers a relateable narrative, bringing listeners back to all those times they put their pants on backwards, sideways, or upside down. Starting with what seems like the opening of a drawer, this sound provides insight into the artist’s daily routine. Evidently, this person opens the drawer and then puts on the pants. Interesting. Despite the spoiler in the track title, we all can’t help but giggle when the artist realize his or her pants are on the wrong way. What an idiot! Three stars.

Track 3: Waiting for the Toaster to Pop

Such a stunning ballad. Five stars.

PSYCH! This offensive piece of trash completely alienates the gluten free population. We all know this toaster has been contaminated with the gluten molecules that could wipe out 1% of the population. And what does one put on toast once it pops? That’s right – butter. Bye bye, dairy-free listeners. Consider yourselves alienated. No stars.

Track 4: Using a Ukulele to Kill a Spider

Every home needs a ukulele, not just for spider killing but for the breathtaking sound it makes while minuscule spider guts splash against it. I have never heard a more beautiful sound come from any instrument, as nothing is more satisfying than the crunch of a spider against a smooth, wooden surface. Step aside, Israel Kamakawiwoʻole (R.I.P.); EarMaster96 has taken over Uke Nation. Four and a half stars.

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