We Asked 13 Professors About The Dampest Student They’ve Ever Had.

13 Skidmore Professors all got the same question: who’s the dampest student you’ve ever had? 

  1. Mathew Fishberg, English — “I’m sorry? The dampest? I’m not sure I understand your question.”professor-13
  1. Emilia Noughton, Math — “I really don’t know.”professor-5
  1. Christopher Brooks, Physics — “I don’t pay attention to such things.”professor-2
  1. Sarah Blau, English — “He was a Sophomore in my Tuesday/Thursday Shakespeare class. I could hear him coming down the hall because his sneakers would squeak and slosh with water. When he sat down beads of moisture would drip from his very damp hair and soak his class notes. He was a very damp boy. Definitely the dampest I’ve ever encountered.” professor-8
  1. Carl Richardson, History — “Am I hearing you right? Are you saying ‘damp?’ I really don’t think I understand the question.” professor-14
  1. Emily Sänger, Math– “Is that slang for something? Otherwise, I can’t really say.” professor-3
  1. Jennifer Langholz, History — “Oh yeah, I remember her alright. How could I forget? The girl was very quiet, and didn’t ever look up from her notes. She wasn’t only very damp—she was very cold, too. When she’d walk in and pass my desk I’d get chills and goose bumps. In the colder months, when they crank up the heat in the classrooms, you can see lines of condensation waft up from her quiet body, like when you open up the freezer. I once decided to talk to her because I was concerned for her wellbeing. I asked her to stay back after class and called her to my desk. She walked up robotically, stood in front of me, and—before I could utter a single syllable—she picked up her head, looked me deep in the eyes and said, ‘I am the Queen of Dampness. All of my subjects can only dream of being as drenched as their supreme ruler.’ And the next day she withdrew from my class.” professor-10
  1. Marcus Solomon, American Studies — “I dunno…I mean, there was one boy who often came to my class straight from the gym. He had big sweat stains a few times. What exactly are you asking me?” professor-12
  1. Sandra Roman, Sociology — “Excuse me? What does that even mean?” professor-15
  1. Michael Wanat, Computer Science — “Jason Miller. He graduated two years ago. Dampest by far.” professor-16
  1. Stephen Zuccoli, Spanish — “What is this for? Is this a project you’re working on?” professor-11
  1. John Sullivan, English — “There was this one kid who was extremely damp. Probably not the dampest ever, but certainly the dampest student I’ve ever seen. A really smart kid, always did great work. That being said, he was still very, very damp. It’s like his wardrobe came straight out of the washing machine every morning. But his skin was very moist, too. Every inch of the boy was soaked.” professor-17
  1. Ralph Sarnaki, Geology –“What?” professor-1

 

 

 

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