Thirteen-Year-Old Mislabeled as Goth, Life Ruined.

By: Doug Patrick

Thirteen-year-old Cecilia Thornton’s life was ruined earlier this week when she overheard her dumb mom say she was “going through a bit of a goth phase.” Cecilia described the entire episode as “total bullshit,” and blamed her reaction, which involved screaming at her mom using her first name until inevitably locking herself in her room for hours while blasting All Time Low’s discography, on her mother’s lack of understanding.

“Sometimes I feel like nobody understands me,” Cecilia said, “especially not my dumb mom.” Cecilia vehemently rejects the label of goth because of the several negative connotations that come with it. “I don’t want people thinking I get all my clothes at Hot Topic, or listen to shitty music by My Chemical Romance or something.” Then, she continued reiterating how stupid and conformist she’d look if word got around 8th grade that she was goth.

Instead, Cecilia prefers a more correct label: “I’m emo, plain and simple.” When pressed to give an explanation as to what separates emo from goth, Cecilia scoffed and told me that I was just like her dumb mom. Apparently, we both “just don’t get it.”

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