By Gill Hurtig
Jonsson Tower is a home to many. Think you know everything about this coveted dorm? Think again.
Jonsson Tower only has 7 stairs
Yes! It’s true! Jonsson Tower, a building with eleven floors as well as a penthouse, has many fewer stairs than we all think. Some would guess that there are 186, which is what there appears to be if one were to climb from the basement all the way to the penthouse. Others would say 372, remembering that there are actually two stairwells. But no! Neither is the case. The building in fact holds only seven stairs. Their names are Jeffrey, Geoffrey, Cynthia, Rollins, Judith, Rupert, and Kendrick, and they all live in singles on the ninth floor.
Jonsson Tower is named after Gary Johnson
Yes! How do we know this? Well Gary Johnson can be seen haunting the building in between 3:30 and 5:30 AM on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Why is Johnson spelled differently? It’s not! You just need glasses. On a completely separate note, Margaret Jonsson, wife of J. Erik Jonsson, who was a Skidmore trustee and helped fund the school’s move to its current campus, is the Libertarian candidate for president.
All JoTo showers originally doubled as classrooms
Back when JoTo had just been built, Skidmore had been having some trouble finding classrooms for all of its classes. So, the showers had been erected to hold some of the smaller seminar classes if necessary. This may explain the small tray next to the showerhead. Students now have no idea what this tray is used for, but it was built to be the teacher’s desk.
Murder is actually completely illegal in Jonsson Tower
This may be surprising to some, but committing murder in Jonsson Tower is not only frowned upon, but also completely illegal. Those who commit first-degree murder in Jonsson Tower may face the death sentence, life-imprisonment, or 20-25 years in jail depending on the circumstances.
Nobody has used the penthouse pool table since 1763
Never mind the fact that pool wasn’t invented until just after 1900, this claim is completely true.
Jonsson Tower is not the tallest building in Saratoga Springs
Please forget for just a second that this is supposed to be a satirical article. THIS FACT IS ACTUALLY TRUE! I REPEAT THIS IS ACTUALLY TRUE! I have no idea why everybody says Jonsson tower is the tallest building in Saratoga. It is actually the third after the two Embury apartments that are 14 stories high and like a two-minute drive away. Come on guys let’s do better.