Woke Sociology Major Realizes He’s Always Right

Woke Sociology Major

By Doug Patrick

Going into his senior year, sociology major Randall McCollum looks forward to using his new confidence to tell those with differing opinions they are wrong faster than ever before. “Back when I was still just a freshman, coming from a racist, conservative suburb, I used to hear people out,” McCollum said via part 1 of a 17 part Snapchat video series. “But now,” he concluded in part 17, “I know any other viewpoint is just a waste of my time and their breath. I’m filtering out the bullshit.”

McCollum has spent his last three years at Skidmore honing his very impressive and important opinions. From reading New York Times articles, watching Last Week Tonight, and writing research papers the night before, he now understands everything there is to know. With this great understanding, he oftentimes corrects people on Facebook and Twitter or shares articles about everything being a social construct, how every Republican is evil, and all the ways you’re a sexist or racist without your knowing.

“I really think I’m about as smart and right as I’ll ever be,” McCollum told the Skidmo’ Daily. “So, I guess if someone isn’t agreeing with me on something, they just have some maturing to do—and I tell them so. Somebody has to.”

If it’s one thing McCollum can teach everyone, it’s that being woke is hard work, requiring an eager mind and sensitive soul.

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