By Gill Hurtig
Textbooks are just another expensive necessity that accompanies the college experience. Many of us hold jobs so we can go out on weekends with friends, so here are some good things for students to sell so we can buy those textbooks without missing a night out.
Old textbooks are great to sell when you are getting ready to buy some new ones for your new classes. There’s a good chance you knew this already though because that Art History textbook you bought for $140 had pages missing and dicks drawn everywhere. And guess what? Selling that textbook back in the exact same condition will earn you a massive $12. Repeat this process for however many old textbooks you have, and you’ll be well on your way to covering about half the cost of a different dick-filled textbook you’ll need for the new semester.
The emphasis is on hard here of course. Measly drugs like marijuana, alcohol, Adderall, and PCP definitely will not cut it when it comes to paying for your textbooks. You’re gonna have to get involved with the heavy stuff like ketamine, Quaaludes, flakka, and purple drank. Selling these highly sought after drugs will allow you to quickly afford that new chemistry textbook you need to continue down your pre-med track.
Your Dad’s Guitar:
Selling your dad’s guitar is a bit risky, but goes a long way in getting those new textbooks you need. I mean, he hasn’t used the guitar in like two years, so all it’s really doing is gathering dust. If you’re not sure how much your dad values his guitar, I recommend taking his guitar and hiding it for a few days. If he doesn’t notice that it’s gone then you’re in the clear. Feel free to sell his guitar on eBay, Amazon, another shopping website, or even just to one of your friends for some nice cash money.
Giving out riding lessons is a great way to get some quick money for textbooks. What do “riding lessons” entail? That’s exactly the point. Think about posting flyers in your neighborhood for “riding lessons” at a rate of $60 an hour. Onlookers may assume that the steep price means horse riding lessons, motorcycle riding lessons, something valuable like that. But if you don’t know how to do those things, no worries! You could give out a bus riding lesson, or a roller coaster riding lesson. Your trainee may be upset afterwards, but you’ll be sixty dollars closer to buying the Oxford Textbook of Psychopathology.
Sure, it might not sound ideal to give up your soul and forever be doomed to hell, but if you think about it, if you can’t buy these textbooks then you’re gonna find yourself in a similar place anyway—the hell of subpar grades. As students we specialize in doing what we want to do in the moment, and completely disregarding what is best for us in the long term. That makes this a viable option, and my personal favorite.