Millennials Are Killing the Nazi Industry

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By Maddy Santos

Younger consumers aren’t buying into white nationalism the way brands anticipated. Instead, they’re opting for anti-fascist goods and services, leaving the Nazi industry hemorrhaging their profits.  

According to a new CNBC report, Millennials—the generation of youth credited with disrupting once-staple industries like napkins and diamonds—are spending a lot less on white nationalism and hate than once projected. And Nazis are suffering for it.

This report comes at a time when Tiki torch sales, white linen sales, and (for some reason) bottled milk sales are on the rise. No thanks to Millennials, though, says economist Howard Belzer.

“While markets are seeing a rather steady increase in purchases for typical KKK-essential paraphernalia, the Nazi industry is having serious trouble capturing the Millenial crowd, who finds itself purchasing products not associated with racism, homophobia, jingoism, nationalism, or fascism. In typical Millennial fashion, they’re completely ruining the Nazi industry.”

It doesn’t stop there, however. Market analyst Susan Downing added that not only are Millennials shying away from purchasing from within the Nazi sector, they’re also actively spending money on competing offerings like the ACLU and Amazon-top-seller “Nazi-Punching Brass Knuckles.” Added Mr. Belzer: “The Nazi industry has to think fast if it wants to see another day. Millennials love to ruin America with their propensity to save money on things that matter to them like individual liberties and racial justice. And this case is no exception. The fact of the matter is that Millennials are decimating the Nazi industry.”

And there’s an important reason why we’re seeing this drastic shift. Ms. Downing added that Millennials are adopting new, unprecedented lifestyles that stress sustainability, progressivity, and a bitter detestation for all things bigoted. Who knew?

It’s impossible to tell what industry Millennials will think to kill next, but rest assured that they’ll stomp it out quickly and mercilessly like the capitalism-hating monsters that they are.

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