Women’s Club Hockey Big Meeting!
Tuesday, September 19th, 7:00-7:30 p.m.
One of the worst things about women is the fact they almost always have all their teeth. If you’re a woman who still has all those chompers and desperately wants to change that, then remember to show up for the Women’s Club Hockey Big Meeting in the Dana Science Center, room 181. After a couple hits and brutal fights between you and your opponents, you’ll finally have just the right number of teeth you’ve always wanted. Having 32 is so overrated!
Remember: always go for the face and mouth.
Erev Rosh Hashanah Dinner
Wednesday, September 20th, 6:00-7:00 p.m.
Nobody puts on a party like Hillel! Matzah ball soup, potatoes, and round challah? Oh, yes, sir! May I please have some more?
If you’re tryna get your Jew on, then grab your yarmulke, and bring your tuchas up to the 2nd floor of d-hall for a dinner that you won’t soon forget. Then, stick around for the other events Hillel’s got planned!
Thursday, September 21st, 11:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m.
Everybody deserves to feel better than other people, so show up to Case on Thursday afternoon and hear about different volunteer opportunities around town. Then, for the next couple of weeks you can tell your friends, “Oh, sorry guys, I’m going to be busy—making a difference. Ever heard of it? But no, totally, you guys go ahead and sit around playing Mario Party. That’s really cool of you.”
Speakeasy Open Mic
Thursday, September 21st, 8:00-9:30 p.m.
Oh, you’re a writer? That’s so cool. Does that mean you, like, “think” about “things”?
Well, if you’re one of those thinker types, then Folio wants you to come to Wilson Chapel to share all your best and most pretentious poetry and short stories.
Have a little vignette about how nuanced and different your life is? Rad, I’m sure everyone wants to hear about it.
Have a short story that ends in a contrived metaphor that you’ve expertly set up throughout the whole thing? Even better!
A poem about your emotions? I literally can’t wait.
Plus, there will be snacks!
Laser Background and Skidmore Opener TBD
Thursday, September 21st, 9:00-11:00 p.m.
Wait, laser tag? At Falstaff’s? Hell yeah! I heard that Lively Lucy’s was stepping up their game, but this is nuts. Last year all they did was bring in dumb indie bands they probably found on bandcamp or something. But this year? This year is different.
I’m not sure what they mean by Skidmore opener, but I’m sure it’ll be the perfect way to start off a night full of laser tag action!
Friday, September 22nd, 3:00-5:00 p.m.
The worst part about nature for me is that I can’t ever appreciate it unless I’m told to. Thankfully, the Environmental Action Club is setting aside two hours for me to finally enjoy the outside. And if you’re anything like me, and need some time scheduled to look at trees and shit, then show up outside Case this Friday!
Rock the Vote!
Friday, September 22nd, 4:00-6:00
Citing low to no voter turnout, SGA will be hosting Dwayne Johnson the Vote! at the Tang to encourage people to vote for their friends in the SGA elections.
Or, if you’re a scumbag, submit a vote of no confidence. It’s kind of like when you voted for Harambe in the 2016 election: it can feel cool at first, like you’re different or something, but ultimately, it’s just kind of a waste.
History Club Scavenger Hunt
Saturday, September 23rd, 1:00-3:00 p.m.
Fredrick Douglas, Theodore Roosevelt, Queen Victoria, Albert Einstein, Harriet Tubman, Tecumseh, Beyoncé, Rasputin.
What do all these people have in common?
Exactly! They’ve all made history. Good job. You’re smart (and no I wasn’t just reaching). And hey, you’re also probably perfect for the History Club Scavenger Hunt at Tisch!