Conservatives Only Concerned About Warm Fall Weather Because of Increased Likelihood for Risqué Halloween Costumes

Slutty Costumes.png

By Lizette Roman-Johnston

We’re in the middle of fall now, and everybody is gearing up for their favorite spooky holiday. So many questions are popping into our heads. What party am I gonna go to? What candy should I buy? What should I dress up as? Costumes are by far the best part of Halloween, so naturally there will be a lot of conversation around the topic. But not all of this talk will be positive.

Global warming has been a heavily debated topic for the past few decades, and it has become increasingly relevant ever since the United States has been under new administration. So how does this relate to Halloween costumes?

Halloween falls on October 31st, a date traditionally ridden with nip and chill. But with the rising temperature, Halloween will most likely fall on a warmer day. To older, more conservative generations, this is terrible news, as less body coverage would be necessary for being comfortable in their daughters’ costumes.

Many conservatives have never believed in the repercussions of global warming; they would much rather discuss the economy. But since Halloween is approaching, more and more of them have commented on the subject.

Meredith Johnson, parent of a sophomore at Skidmore, told Skidmo’, “I refuse to catch my daughter wearing lingerie and bunny ears and calling it a damn costume. The temperature better go down, or I’m gonna throw a fit!”

Another parent said, “Now that I’m risking seeing my niece in a slutty nurse costume, I wish I hadn’t voted for Trump. I must have failed as a parent and as a U.S. citizen.”

Could the risk of more inappropriate Halloween costumes persuade the skeptics to pay more attention to global warming? Will the temperature feel like fall again before Halloween? If you ask Skidmo’, we reckon that students will dress like hoes regardless, and—like with all ho-ish endeavors—we support you.

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