“But Antidepressants Will Make Me Lose My Creative Spark,” Says Guy Who Hasn’t Left His Bed in Three Days

By Carolyn Smith

NOVEMBER 2, 2017 NYC – Jeffrey Kauffman left his apartment for the first time this week following a 3 day bout of paralysis on his bed to attend his bimonthly therapist visit. After describing his past few days of browsing Youtube, taking long naps, and ordering meals from UberEats, Jeffrey was shocked to hear his doctor recommend seeing a psychiatrist.  “Antidepressants?” Jeffrey was quoted saying. “How could I sacrifice my wit and creative edge with medication?”

Sources say the doctor explained that a low dose of a mild SSRI would do nothing more than take the edge off of his lows, but Jeffrey objected.

“Look,” he told Skidmo’, “I value my natural brain chemistry above everything, even if it costs me my friendships, job, and physical health.”  Reporters will continue to update this story as Jeffrey bites the bullet and attends his psychiatric appointment next week.

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