8 Reasons First-Years Should Do More Cocaine

By Reilly Grant

1.To carry on the family tradition; for instance, my mom did it at Wesleyan in the 80s.

2.Social Anxiety; It’s no fun sitting in the corner at parties, snorting a line with someone is a great way to break the ice.

3.To make Crack; It lasts longer than cocaine and the demand is high in post-industrial upstate New York—selling crack is great way to pay off those student loans.

4. You binge watched Narcos over Thanksgiving break.

5. You live in south quad and need an escape.

6. To rewire structure of brain; only basic bitches get external body modifications.

7. You grew up on the Upper East Side.

8. Grandma just mailed $100.

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