Student Starts Big Red Scare to Stamp Out Communism on Campus

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By George Brown

According to Freshman Tony Michaels, there is a lurking enemy that threatens Skidmore students. That is the threat of Communism. Michaels claims to have discovered this danger while conversing with his peers in Intro to Political Science. “I was shocked to hear that my friends were beginning to question our just and fair economic system,” said Michaels. “I find it treasonous that my fellow classmates are considering abandoning our proud American capitalist values for a radical and Russian way of thinking.”

But it didn’t stop there for Tony. He has decided to organize an event to protest his classmates’ socioeconomic views. He has dubbed the event, the Big Red Scare, in order to raise the awareness of Skidmore students and faculty to the growing number of Communists on campus. The rally will include a march through Tisch and Palamountain halls, a group reading of An Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth Of Nations by Adam Smith and a speech by Michaels.

The event will offer free t-shirts with a flow chart showing the benefits of a capitalist system, fast food to demonstrate the value of mass consumerism and globalization, and an obstacle course where the participant will have to dodge  cutouts of Lenin, Stalin, Castro and many other famous Communist leaders. With these tools at his disposal, Michaels hopes that the Big Red Scare will be successful.

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