Opinion: I Respect Women

By Rebecca Hornstein

I love women. Big women, small women, and big sexy busty women with perky ta tas. I especially love women when I can see their thongs through their white leggings. There’s so much to love about the soft and voluptuous nature of females. Women are so beautiful, and if I love women this much, how could I possibly not respect women?

Ok. Fine. So, I hooked up with that Cindy girl a couple times and I guess it was fun or whatever. We said we were dating or something but was doesn’t actually matter. Rachel was hot so we got together accidentally. It’s not my fault she’s a totally smokin babe. So I ended it with Cindy and stopped talking to her – respectfully. I respect women, after all. I swear.

I got my grandma flowers for her birthday. I also fucked your mom the next night, with a condom on, respectfully. Speaking of which I love my mom and I called her once this year on her birthday. Guess what I said? I said “happy birthday Mom. I love you.” Love is beautiful, respect is beautiful, and women are beautiful. And I respect you, women.

But honestly. I read an article on bustle!! And yeah, I’ve listened to galpool!! I’ve had a feminerism!! A few times actually.

So yeah bitches of the world. You can shut the fuck up and get back in the kitchen to make me a sandwich so I have the energy and fuel to respect women so tenderly. I fucking respect you so much. So say hey to me on tinder ladies, because I really really respect each and every one of you.

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