ST. LOUIS — Rolling Rock, a subsidiary of Anheuser-Busch InBev, announced on Monday that they have severed ties with Judge Brett Kavanaugh, noting his recent Senate testimony for the split.
“While we appreciate Mr. Kavanaugh’s staunch endorsement for beer in his recent Senate hearing, the rest of his statements do not at all represent Rolling Rock’s values or beliefs,” said Anna Pariche, a representative for the brewing conglomerate.
Mr. Kavanaugh had spoken at length about his love for beer at his testimony, but his belligerent ramblings were incoherent enough to cause Anheuser-Busch to end their professional relationship with the judge.
Added Ms. Pariche, “We advise all consumers of Rolling Rock to drink responsibly, and Mr. Kavanaugh, a representative of the brand, does not seem to exemplify that tenant. Thus, we have ended our partnership with him.”
Between post-confirmation hearing benders and his behavior during those meetings, Mr. Kavanaugh demonstrated to the Judiciary Committee, and the American people, that his relationship with beer was beyond what Anheuser-Busch hoped to advertise with a model brand ambassador.
When reached for comment on this announcement, Mr. Kavanaugh (who was at this point visibly blackout) noted that this was an attempt by Democrats to take revenge on Hillary Clinton’s loss of the presidency, adding that “she’s a lightweight. Probably hasn’t even shotgunned a tall boy or been to a kegger.
Mr. Kavanaugh was scheduled to appear in an upcoming Rolling Rock ad campaign about avoiding party fouls, but—according to Anheuser-Busch—the recent developments in his past life made that impossible.