By Max LoSardo
BURLINGTON, VERMONT — Following in the footsteps of progressive icon Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders has contracted Polio. Sanders, an Independent known for his embrace of Democratic Socialism, has looked to the liberal legacy of President Roosevelt as a springboard for many policies. However, his supporters were surprised this Tuesday when at a press conference Mr. Sanders proudly announced his recent diagnosis.
“I’ve always referred to him as the next FDR, but I really didn’t think he’d take it this far,” said Michael Withers, an 85 year old Democrat from Lake Champlain. “At this point I’m all for it. We need to return to the old days as much as possible.” Mr. Sanders, who turned 77 in September, continued to surprise when he announced his plans for a presidential run in 2020, 2024, 2028, and 2032.