Glotzbach Shutdown Enters Day 1

by Maddy Santos

SARATOGA SPRINGS In a time of crisis, President Glotzbach has been a force for chaos. As the student government missed Friday’s deadline to pass a spending bill, President Glotzbach has refused to compromise on his position that he will not sign the bill unless it includes full funding for his smoking ban. Efforts by those inside the administration to persuade the president on meeting members halfway with the Cigocrats in the student senate have been entirely rebuffed.

The President tweeted that: “I promised voters we would ban smoking. And I was elected by Skidmore students to do just that. Now the sad, pathetic Cigocrats are preventing the student government from being funded, because they care more about cancer than hardworking Skidmore students.”

Members of the Cigocrat Party, however, are confident that the president will give in. “The people of Skidmore don’t want a smoking ban. And they know it won’t work. People will smoke in their apartments with the window open. They’ll vape in the Jonsson Tower. This ban is ineffective and we will not fund it,” said Student Government Minority Leader Justin Jones, adding, “And we all know Campo isn’t chasing anyone in the woods.”

While students wait for a solution, many worry this will mean doing without vital services, such as getting final grades, submitting late term papers, and staying in the dorms an extra couple days because you don’t really want to go back to Dayton.

 

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