by Hannah Kotler

NEW YORK, NY—Spelling capitalistic disaster everywhere, the conclusion of this year’s Pride Month has spawned panic across millions of marketing departments worldwide, as they now have to figure out how to sell items without the inclusion of the default June rainbow design. “We are sad to see the end of this year’s Pride Month. We here at Home Unlimited™, creator of the one-of-a-kind rainbow earwax candle, found June 2019 to be a month of immense progress—politically, spiritually, and fiscally. We can’t wait to be back next year with more exclusive rainbow items, including seat covers, ice packs, and nail and hammer sets,” said George Steinway, company executive.

Speaking to some recent controversy, Steinway also assured readers that “while some people say we’re ‘wrongfully capitalizing off of people’s identities, specifically those in marginalized communities,’ we here at Home Unlimited™ prefer to call it celebrating. It’s all about visibility, right? And what better way to be visible than with our 2019 Pride Pack, complete with three different rainbow desk lamps!”

With the company riding an economic high right now, Steinway promises a strong wave of new and innovative strategies for the near future, including plans for red, white, and blue color patterns during the entire month of July.