Avicii Killed SCEMS*

*Revision to an article published on April 28, 2018 titled “SCEMS Killed Avicii”

BREAKING—In a shocking turn of events, The Skidmo’ Daily would like to amend an article we published in the April 28, 2018 fun. Day edition of the paper, titled “SCEMS Killed Avicii.” As we now know, the ghost of Avicii has come back from the dead to exact his revenge on the Emergency Medical Services group and shut them down for good. After a brutal death of the beloved Swedish DJ perpetrated by SCEMS last year, in which the medical group “threw him into the spinning helicopter blades,” Avicii decided he “wasn’t going down without a fucking fight.”

Plotting his retaliation from the bounds of heaven, Avicii waited until the perfect moment to strike. As he recited to the Skidmo’ staff: “I’ve waited over a year for those fuckers to mess up, and last weekend I finally got my chance. After I saw one of the officers misread a blood pressure output, I knew it was time—SCEMS wouldn’t live to see another day. I reported the incident to campus authorities, and before I knew it, those bitches were shut down.” The college has hopes that the group will “be able to resume campus operations at some point in the future,” to which Avicii responded, “not if I have anything to say about it.”

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