by Isaac DeMarchi
LOCAL BULLETIN BOARD–Making record speed, Bowling Club president and senior Jeffery Mach has allegedly already given up on advertising for “Bowl 1 Get 1 Free” events sponsored by the group. This disenchantment comes shockingly quickly, only two weeks after the club’s first meeting.
Bowling Club, which meets every third Tuesday of the month, has been a staple in the Skidmore flyer community for years, but their posters have reportedly been unable to compete with flashy color-printed flyers with “images” and other decorations on them.
Mach says that this year has been particularly abysmal for Bowling Club turn out: “We can usually last about four or five meetings before it turns into just the e-Board getting together to bowl. And I mean Brandon and Jesse and them are great guys, but we want new blood. That clearly wasn’t happening so we just thought what the hell.”
Mach reasoned that this recent blow was likely the last straw for the Bowling Club dynasty, saying, “We haven’t had any freshman in this club since its foundation. Clearly there’s no room for appreciation of the art of bowling here.”
Mach and the remaining members of the e-Board were last seen smoking a singular joint between the six of them before heading off into the night for some pin-knocking, a catchy slang term for bowling exclusively used by the now-defunct Skidmore Bowling Club. RIP, guys.