East Coast Liberal Begrudgingly Admits He Also Didn’t Know Kansas City Was In Missouri

by Holly O’Byrne

SKIDMORE- In a sadly unsurprising tweet following last Sunday’s Super Bowl, President Donald Trump ignored his basic American geography and claimed the winning Kansas City Chiefs were from Kansas–not Missouri. Twitter was aghast with memes teasing the president’s confusion. However, one Skidmore student could not participate in the liberal field day.

Damon Yates, an east-coaster who made the same fatal mistake with regards to the US geography map, agreed to speak to Skidmo’ under the condition we use an alias to protect his general likeability on campus in the future. Yates sat down with his black Carhartt hoodie tugged over his head. He seemed to be mourning the loss of his right to partake in a classic Skidmore pastime: mocking Trump’s inferior intelligence. Yates sighed, “As an educated person, it literally burns me to my core that I know about as much US geography as Trump. It’s so embarrassing. It’s not my fault I didn’t know! I grew up just outside the city in Westchester! I’ve been conditioned to ignore anything west of D.C.!” 

Yates was slowly unraveling, grasping at straws for any excuse to erase his link to the President. In a heated goodbye, Yates blurted one final attempt at reputational recovery: “Sorry I’m not an expert in the epitome of male toxicity that is American football…geez.”


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