“I Told You That One Day You’d Need Us,” Says President of Blackboard While Summoning Demonic Spirits


By Max LoSardo

BLACKBOARD HEADQUARTERS, REGION UNKNOWN – Claiming victory over the company’s critiques, President of Blackboard Ag’droth Zargothach released a statement on Tuesday saying “I told you that one day you’d need us.”   

With colleges around the United States closing due to the spread of the Coronavirus, many schools are transitioning to online classes, some of which use Blackboard.  While Skidmore has not announced any further updates since the school extended its spring break, Zargothach sounded confident that the College would have to resort to his company’s method of online learning.

“For years and years professors have said they don’t use Blackboard.  That it’s too difficult to use. And that they’ll just email assignments.  Now look where they are.” said a robe-laden Zargothach as he drained the life from every living organism around him with demonic laughter echoing through the air. “I knew one day Glotzbach would come crawling back to me, hat in his hand ready to do my bidding.”

At press time, President Glotzbach announced that while the College is investigating further usage of Blackboard, there are still no plans to expand SkidSync.   

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