What the Fuck is Going on Down There?: An Op-Ed From God


By Justin Rizzi

HEAVEN – Holy shit, guys, this time you’ve really done it. You think that after six million years, you people would know how to handle themselves.  But no.  I turn around for two minutes to deal with some personal shit and suddenly the world is being taken over by some stupid virus?

I was there to handle Zika and Ebola for you, but this is just ridiculous. You know how many people are praying that they don’t get this thing? It’s all I fucking hear anymore it’s getting so boring!   Nobody at all is asking me if I’m safe and healthy. You know what’s better than praying? Washing your hands!

When I created you all, I had faith that I would be able to relax and let you do all the work, but it’s clear to me you aren’t ready for that kind of responsibility. You guys are on your own on this one, at least until I decide to get the flood ready and put you incompetent disappointments out of your misery.

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