COVID-19 Shutdown Allows Skidmore Woman to Feel Like Modern Day Juliet

by Trinity Rollins

LOS ANGELES – Back in her hometown for her extended/never-ending Spring Break, sophomore Rebecca McClarkson lies in her bed thinking about quarantine in Los Angeles.  She knows a quarantined city means an endless sea of horny men, and her high school heartthrob, Todd, just DMed her. What could go wrong?  She decides that the worst possible outcome would be them both contracting Corona (maybe even from the one beer they’ll share…) and tragically dying together after dramatically vlogging their experience together. How romantic. Of course she goes over to his place. Well, his parent’s place.

She has to sneak in the window. This isn’t easy, but there’s a trellis leading up to his window, so it’s doable. After she hoists herself into his window, tumbles onto the floor, and fixes her hair, Rebecca’s ready to have the most mediocre five-minute sex of her life. It’s afterwards, when they’re both on their phones, that Rebecca hears about California’s serious shut down.

She’s stuck in this guy’s bedroom until god knows when. He tells her that she’ll probably have to hide in his musty closet most of the day so that his parents don’t find out. He promises to bring her food, but this turns out to be a Monster energy drink and a few crackers every couple of hours. In three weeks, Rebecca hears she’s finally able to emerge. She climbs back down the trellis and starts the long walk home. In the end, Rebecca, now Juliet, knows this is exactly what she deserved, because leaving her house during quarantine could’ve had the story end like a real Shakespearean tragedy–with everyone dying at the end.

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