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Professor Invites Special Guest to Zoom Class; Person Who is Exactly Like Him In Every Way

By Will Kertzman

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY – For the students of Professor Zuzelskij’s Juvenile Bigotry in Early 19th Century Spain class, last Friday was a very special class period indeed. Zuzelskij, ever the one to be full of surprises, invited a special guest to talk about how clowns became associated with Jewishness in Iberia, and that’s why we don’t see a lot of Jewish clowns in Spain today. But what was more notable than the anecdotes of their time together studying at the University of Seville, was the fact that these two pompous payasos were exactly the fucking same in every single way.

A student in the class, Konner Hewwitt (Class of 2028) reached out to us to say that, “it feels like every class I’m in with this douchebag, he invites a “special guest” to come and talk to us about muppetry in schoolyards and how that led to the belief that Jews can fly or some shit, and every one of these ivy league yokels he brings in are exactly like him. No joke, I once saw him and a guest he brought say the exact same thing one after the other and then they got mad at one another for making the same point. Is this what my future is gonna be like? Am I gonna end up like one of these guys?”

How many more guests will Zuzelskij bring to berate his students in the exact same way that he does? It’s hard to say, but currently another guest lecturer is scheduled to come and talk about the rise of Franco and how it manifested itself in piñata culture.

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