By Margaret Limone
BOWERS, WYOMING – Last Thursday evening in a shocking turn of events, two lesbians who have compatible star signs waited until the third date to be wed! We interviewed the blushing brides and asked why they chose to spit in the face of such a vital queer tradition. “Well,” said Amy Rochester, bride #1. “We just wanted to take it slow, ya know? It’s not that we didn’t love each other from the first date, we just wanted to make sure we weren’t rushing into things.” Bride #2, Laura Higgs, had this to say on the matter: “You know, the whole ‘lesbians settle down fast’ thing is really outdated and sexist. Just because we’re women we’re overly emotional and family oriented? Ridiculous. On our very first date, when I held Amy in my arms as she cried about previous relationships, we agreed: we’re gonna be careful about things.” The investigative journalism team here at Skidmo’ Daily knew something wasn’t quite right with this story. With a little digging, we found the real reason behind this unprecedented delay. Apparently, last week in Bowers, Wyoming there were no Uhauls available until Wednesday evening. Mystery solved.