Ranking My Little Cousins Based On How Dead to Me They Are
By Margaret Limone Kaiya, 16. Knowing full well how much weed was in my car, she asked Nana to checkContinue Reading
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Okay, We Get Why Princess Diana’s Ghost Killed Prince Philip, But Why’d She Kill DMX?
By Justin Rizzi Yesterday, the British Royal Family announced the death of Prince Philip, husband of Queen Elizabeth II, atContinue Reading
Skidmo Investigates: Internal Document Reveals Prince Philip’s Official Cause of Death Was “Being Old As Fuck”
By Will Kertzman and Isaac DeMarchi LONDON, UK – Chimney sweeps across Britain this morning took their soot-covered hats offContinue Reading
“We Are Finally Free!” Lax Bros React to White Boy Summer
By Will Kertzman SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY – Over the past weekend, #whiteboysummer began trending on social media for a veryContinue Reading
Tiny Loophole Found at Bottom of First Amendment Says Skidmore Has to Give My Dumb Club Money
by Justin Rizzi This weekend, a team of researchers in Washington, DC discovered a previously secret loophole printed in smallContinue Reading
‘Union of Progressive Cannibalists’ Club Approved By Student Government
by Isaac DeMarchi (Disclaimer: There is a lengthy history of Christians accusing Jewish people of drinking blood or other cannibalistContinue Reading
Cancel Culture? My Professor Failed Me Just Because I Didn’t Come To Class or Turn in Any Assignments
by Isaac DeMarchi So it’s come to this. You never think the Woke Mob is going to go after you,Continue Reading
Hair People of The World Unite in Condemning “Bald Cyclopses”
By Will Kertzman WASHINGTON, D.C. – This past weekend saw the gathering of the world’s hair community. Hair-bearing individuals fromContinue Reading
Neo-Nazi Disappointed “The Amazing Race” Not The Show He Thought It Would Be
By Will Kertzman WILTON, NY – It was a disappointing day in Wilton last Wednesday for longtime resident Jeremy PivenContinue Reading
Masturbating on Grad Day to Get the Big Finish I Deserve
MAY 30, 2020—As news of Skidmore’s last-ditch effort to make the Class of 2020 feel some sort of normalcy towardContinue Reading
