The Next Van Gough? Art Major Depressed
By Will Kertzman and Isaac DeMarchi Where do we find talent? Is it within us? Is it from God? OrContinue Reading
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Fake News Finally Catches on to What Real News Has Been Saying for Weeks
By Warren King The Times Union. The Daily Gazette. The Post-Star—regardless of what they’re called, they’re all the same flaccidContinue Reading
How I Got My Summer Body in Five Non-Toxic Steps
By Isaac DeMarchi Summer is just around the corner. And if you, like me, have spent the past 19 yearsContinue Reading
Shocking: Lesbians Delay Marriage Until Third Date!
By Margaret Limone BOWERS, WYOMING – Last Thursday evening in a shocking turn of events, two lesbians who have compatibleContinue Reading
Op-Ed: Why You Should Let Me Join Your Housing Group Even Though I Am Famed Serial Killer John Wayne Gacy
By Justin Rizzi It’s that time of year again. Everybody is grouping themselves up, getting ready to apply for apartments.Continue Reading
Professor Invites Special Guest to Zoom Class; Person Who is Exactly Like Him In Every Way
By Will Kertzman SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY – For the students of Professor Zuzelskij’s Juvenile Bigotry in Early 19th Century SpainContinue Reading
Ranking My Little Cousins Based On How Dead to Me They Are
By Margaret Limone Kaiya, 16. Knowing full well how much weed was in my car, she asked Nana to checkContinue Reading
Okay, We Get Why Princess Diana’s Ghost Killed Prince Philip, But Why’d She Kill DMX?
By Justin Rizzi Yesterday, the British Royal Family announced the death of Prince Philip, husband of Queen Elizabeth II, atContinue Reading
Skidmo Investigates: Internal Document Reveals Prince Philip’s Official Cause of Death Was “Being Old As Fuck”
By Will Kertzman and Isaac DeMarchi LONDON, UK – Chimney sweeps across Britain this morning took their soot-covered hats offContinue Reading
“We Are Finally Free!” Lax Bros React to White Boy Summer
By Will Kertzman SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY – Over the past weekend, #whiteboysummer began trending on social media for a veryContinue Reading
